Mind = Blown with this statement “your little power taken away until you have nothing left, and you stand there suffering, helpless.” This is the summary of my life! That is exactly what I am trying to convey with so many words. Tears are streaming down my face as I type as someone for the first time has actually understood the exact thing that I feel. Funny how my own blood relatives couldn’t see this. Take any situation in my life until now right from as recent as yesterday or as old as my memory can take me, these words will sum up each and every situation, big or small. This is exactly what I felt when I was giving you examples earlier, I have plenty more, with the things I have endured, I wouldn’t ever want to relive my childhood ever. I was looking at old photo albums last week and I saw that none of my pictures are smiling. I look like I am in some kind of physical pain. And the very same people tell me look how grumpy you were, never smiling. Why couldn’t you be a happy kid? I also got a lot of that hand gesture when I spoke where the palm is outstretched like stop.. Anyway, I digress.

So looking ahead now, I finally feel validated and acknowledged. Like I am allowed to feel these things. Like I matter too.

I am now going to take all your notes and sit with them and start slowly and very gently try to understand and apply these. I know a lot of feeling will come up and I know I am not lost anymore. I will update this post as I make progress.

Thank you once again for being there.

Littlered