Hi Anita,

What a lot of work i am for you..definitely a casebook nutcase. My ex was too..for a while i felt normal.

I think i just came to the conclusion…i cant stop trying to communicate and get through to him..he wont reply. As long as he has someone there in his life he wont. But i cant silence myself. And i want to be free too. I dont want to feel trapped like this..so maybe i should just do what i feel? Since the other way was making me ill.

This is a very painful process. of course you could say, you will meet someone else and it will be over. But every day i wake up and think of him, think of them..come to some conclusion..go about doing things..change that conclusion about 50 times and cry and so on. It is on my mind non stop and wont budge. then when i get to forget..i see something connected to him. I wonder what the universe is trying to do and stress that i am doing the wrong things all the time. So therefore..i become exhausted mentally and physically. I have had a few times where i just feel really good..and peaceful, that there is some hope. but it goes away again. I have friends who have been through similar pain…one of them is STILL pining for someone they love from years ago. I dont want that. I want closure of some kind but my mind is 150% sure that i am supposed to be with him, why is that?