Dear wildoceanflower:

I asked about that “numb bliss”, what you referred to in your last post as feeling “really good… and peaceful, that there is some hope”, because in my experience the brain takes its breaks from the usual agony, takes a vacation, so to speak, so it can endure the usual agony. It is my experience that no  one can endure feeling badly all the time. The more hellish our experience, the more heavenly moments we create, to escape, distract and rest. Can you relate to this?

As to your first line: I don’t think of you as a nutcase, never have. You are trapped, that is all.

You wrote in your last paragraph: “I want closure of some kind but my mind is 150% sure that i am supposed to be with him, why is that?”- I still think it is so because there is no one and nothing else for you, in your life as it is. All hope (that hope you mentioned in your last post) is with him, in your mind. He is the only way, you believe, of living a better life. Isn’t it so?

anita