Dear Lisa:

You are welcome. I would call your husband marrying you regardless of his parents’ strong disapproval, an act of heroism, absolutely. This heroism supports having hope that he will continue to stand up to them. After all, he did and he succeeded already.

Pay attention, if you will, to the following: if and when you have children, it may seem to you that he is obeying his parents’ instructions regarding how to raise your children, but it may be his own beliefs that guide him, and they only happen to resemble his parents’, on this or that topic.

Talk with him, honestly, openly and gently about how to raise your future children and about any other topic. Compare thoughts, feelings, positions on this and that on an ongoing basis. Communicate and keep communicating. The more you communicate well, the stronger your bond.

You can talk about topics that are not relevant yet, for example the idea of his parents living with you. As long as a talk does not become aggressive, as long as the two of you keep aggression (arguing, fighting, insulting, blaming, accusing, etc.) out of the conversations, you are good. All topics are okay to be talked about.

anita