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Dear Sophie,
I’m in pretty much the same boat as you. I haven’t felt there is any purpose in my life from as long ago as I can remember. What strikes me about what you have done (and what I have done, too) is they are all basically solo activities, for one thing. Knowing yourself and working on yourself are good things, but I don’t think we find what our purpose is by focussing solely on ourselves. It certainly hasn’t worked for me. I think it requires some sort of action outside of our heads.
We have to search for something that inspires us. We have to try things that interest us or try things where we are helping someone or something else. Some folks find they have curiosity about something that draws them in, such as maybe a scientific pursuit like figuring out the nature of the universe. Some people have something bad happen to them and find that they don’t want that to happen to anyone else, so they work toward that goal. Others see there is a need that some person or group has that is not being filled and find they can fulfil that need. So, to me purpose breaks down into 2 general areas. One, is a drive to explore or investigate something and the other is to help someone or something. Either way, it’s something outside yourself… And you have to be ‘out there’ trying things for the serendipity to hit you! And maybe a big part of it really does boil down to not being in your own head all the time??
I’m just thinking out loud here, so I could be totally off-base. But, I’m certainly talking to myself and trying to figure it all out, too…
Hope you are able to find your way in this world!! It actually makes me feel good to try to help you, now that I think about it… There is purpose in that…
Glenn