Dear Eliana:

What you wrote: “poor impulse control (the BPD)”-

Both DMS 4 and 5 state about BPD: “a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity”. Impulsivity is acting on an urge without forethought. It is performing an action that is inappropriate to the situation, unduly risky, which often results in undesirable consequences.

There are skills that can be taught in good therapy to notice that urge and take a moment between the feeling of it and reacting to it. These skills are part of what is called “emotional regulation skills”.

It takes time and practice, and once you succeed at one moment, it is not smooth sailing from there on.  The progress is not linear. One has to practice patience with the process and gentleness for oneself. “Progress, not Perfection”.

You have to place above all your values. A value is something you strongly believe in. If you believe in Respect as a value in interpersonal relationships, then you place that value above all. When you feel the urge to disrespect another, to verbally abuse another, you resist the urge. Maybe you take a walk, or a hot bath… whatever you need to do so to put time between the urge and the undesirable behavior.

You… feel like reacting to the urge, it is calling you, urging you… but you don’t. It is difficult to practice this, but when you do and you are successful, there is a sense of pride in succeeding, and that will motivate you to continue this practice.

anita