Dear laelithia:

Welcome back to your own thread. I like your note to J very much: it is so very honest, intelligent, authentic to you… lovely!

You wrote: “I don’t understand what happened for you to change your mind about me, to stop seeing my value and the life we could have had. Maybe this is why I can’t seem to fully let it go. I honestly do not understand, and I’m left in a state of confusion and hurt.”

When we don’t understand a person’s behavior/ motivation (as you don’t understand J’s), we often enough do not accept the reality of their behavior. It is as if it didn’t happen. So I understand you not letting it go.

Reality is he had let it all go. You don’t understand why and how he managed to do it, but he did.

You can send him this note. I doubt that he will give you a satisfactory answer or answers, but you can try once again, to get an answer. Maybe he will have more than his previous answer (it “‘sort of just played itself out’”)

Here is a possible answer to his motivation: it was fun for him for as long as it was fun for him and then it stopped being fun, the fun “sort of just played itself out”- his own words.

What you perceived in that relationship was colored by your own perceptions, emotions, previous experiences. What you perceived was not what he perceived. It didn’t mean to him what it meant to you.

“Sort of played itself out”- I think that was his honest answer. He already gave you his answer.

anita