Dear Christy Lim:

I understand: when you share with friends/ boyfriend about your anxiety again and again, and they give you their best advice, really trying, and you keep being anxious, they would get frustrated, feeling that their efforts are for nothing, not working at all, long term. So share with them in moderation, sometimes, not when they are stressed with their own issues.

The way to work on this is to increase your Distress Tolerance- this is a gradual process. It means that over time, you learn that you are indeed able to tolerate it, that you have tolerated, endured it for so long, survived in spite of it, and you can continue to survive. You learn that it is not as threatening as it feels. You learn that you are strong enough to endure it and still function well.

When your feet or hands sweat, notice it and take deep breaths. Say to yourself: this happened before and I lived. I survived it. This is not dangerous: unpleasant- yes, but not dangerous. When someone wants to shake your hand and you fear it sweating- tell the person you feel uncomfortable shaking hands because your hands sweat. This is how you take care of yourself, being assertive.

View yourself at times as a little scared child and treat yourself as you would treat a scared child- talk to her, comfort her, take her for a walk outside, prepare a hot bath for her, play her favorite music for her, and so on.

anita