Dear steph:

The easy part (for me) first: you wrote, “I talk to people I was once interested in: that he still is interested in me, that I thought about him for a reason”- believing that there is an external guide of sorts that caused you to think of an ex so that you will contact you because it is …meant to be (meant by that external guide, the universe or such)- that is magical thinking, I believe. Thoughts just happen, they are not messages from above and beyond.

You experience anxiety, even severe anxiety regarding relationships. It leads me to think that you were very hurt in the past, in the context of a relationship, maybe as a child in relationship with a family member?

Regarding your “internal guide”- it is a very good thing to have an internal guide. You also used the term “higher self”- referring to the same internal guide, correct?

To not act against your internal guide/ higher self, get to know better the part of you that acts impulsively, in times of stress or boredom. What is her motivation, what does she want? That impulsive part will continue to make herself known, will continue to overrule the internal guide until she is heard.

As a matter of fact, your internal guide is not competent enough until that impulsive part is heard, understood and attended to.

anita