Dear punkin:

During those eight years of having a couple-like relationship with him, you didn’t have a … couple relationship with another man, correct? And before him, did you?

It is my understanding that you are and have been very fearful of a more intimate relationship with him. I agree that you indeed “let fear keep (you) from the possibility”. To handle your significant fear, you exercised control. Your control was taking space and distance, repeatedly, avoiding the perceived danger in a more intimate relationship.

You wrote: “I feel childish for needing so much time to heal, because we weren’t really in a relationship”- you had a couple like relationship with him. You had feelings for him and he had feelings for you. Feeling so fearful of being hurt, you have been and are suspicious of his sincerity and motivations. And you retreat to your own space for a feeling of safety repeatedly.

The title of your thread: “Needing space”- this seems to be the focal point of your thread and this eight year relationship. Regarding the “friend I love who doesn’t feel the same” part of the title- reads to me that he did have feelings for you, strong feelings, but he was afraid too. I wonder if noticed all through those years that you were unavailable for a more intimate, couple relationship.

anita