Dear laeithia:

I can relate to almost everything that you say! When it came to my first love I kept fantasizing about him dreaming about scenarios that would never happen because he had a new girlfriend and moved on. I was heartbroken and wanted things to go back to how they were knowing that it would never happen. The strange thing was that I wasn’t missing him. I was missing the him he was in the past. I missed the attention, the texts, the talks, the him he was virtually.

If anyone asked me if I wanted a relationship with him, the him he was today I would’ve said no. I longed for the past to be present again, not for the present to turn into a positive future.

This kep going on for 4 years until I met the guy I mentioned in my previous post.
But you see, I learned something about myself and this could apply to you as well. Yes, it hurts a lot because my fantasy was going against reality and whenever I would talk to him or even see him I wanted my fantasy to become reality. I wanted it so it could fill up the emptiness that I was feeling.

I soon realized that step one was to quit talking to him.
Step two was accepting reality.
Step three is to move on.

Most people would say that moving on is about forgetting that person, or only remembering them from time to time as part of your past, in which I agree but also disagree to.

the definition of moving on to me is being in a place where you no longerant your fantasy to become reality. A place where you no longer have hope and are content with it. Moving on to me isn’t about forgetting that person or letting go of all your fantasies.

In fact, some people can’t seem to stop fantasizing about a certain person untill they meet someone new. This doesn’t necessarily mean hat they haven’t moved on yet. Humans have the ability to get distracted. There just wasn’t a big event or impact in their life, at least not big enough for them to focus their attention on someone/something else, therefore they keep fantasizing about a certain person.

To give you an example: I stopped talking to my first love, I then accepted reality: It just won’t work out. I then kept fantasizing about them to keep my mind satisied, I then snapped back to reality and after a few months I no longer got hurt by seeing him or his girlfriend even when I still fantasized about him. I just no longer felt the need to make my fantasy become reality.

Bottom line: I fantasized about him texting me, looking up to me and what not, thanks to this my mind got satisfied byt the thought of him texting/talking to me so I no longer felt the need to make this fantasy reality. I no longer needed him to actually talk to me.

I hope that I make any sense, to be honest it’s quite complicated and hard to explain.

Oh, and you have no idea how much I relate to your phone call! I think that he thought that he loved you, and meant whatever he said at the time, but as time passes he snapped out of that romantic bubble only to realize that his feelings weren’t genuine, therefore he did played you but unintentionally. You did nothing wrong and it wasn’t you, it was him.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Liz.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Liz.