Hi Pearce,

I have enjoyed your posts, including this one.

My thinking around your question has changed a lot over the years. I used to have layers upon layers of complicated thoughts, and now, well not so much.

I simply want connection. I suppose that could be described in terms of connecting with myself, or connecting with Other (The Great Mystery). But for me, it comes down to the very concrete desire of wanting to connect with humans. When I am “in relationship” with healthy people, my connection with myself and with Other takes care of itself. I think this happens because we are social creatures, and in my opinion, we grow and learn best in the space of other caring human beings.

Taking it one step further, I want connection with a woman who wants, and is able to do her part to nurture connection. I have met several “nice” women over the last few months, but I am astounded at how they simultaneously want connection and do things to sabotage their desire (lying, not talking, disappearing, multidating).  Part of this is that the dating pool in middle age is disproportionately populated with avoiders, people who deal with their internal attachment anxieties by avoiding attachment.

But that’s just me. Still searching for what *I* want.