In terms of behavior, what can I change that will lead to different thinking and therefore feelings? I realize my habit of checking my phone and social media is detrimental to my success in beating this relationship fear/anxiety.

The thing about this anxiety/fear/OCD is that it is bad enough to make me feel crazy sometimes, but it never can actually push me over the edge. I don’t know if this is due to the fact that I’m on antidepressants and it numbs some of that emotional pain or it just keeps my brain chemically balanced. It’s like the fear is enough to keep me engaged in this behavior, but it won’t actually influence me to make some crazy decision or act out too irrationally. I think I’m just really fearful of losing my girlfriend or pushing her away, because I value this relationship so much. It just sucks to be in this position because it makes it so hard to determine what’s a real problem and what is not. It’s difficult to feel for someone else while trying to take care of yourself.

I need to break this cycle. Counseling I have done in the past, but right now would be difficult with my busy summer and because of money and I’d really rather figure this out on my own. The cycle is almost addicting, however. It’s like I hate it when I’m in it, but I keep putting up with it, maybe similar to what I would do with my stepmother. I would adjust my behavior to please her, but it didn’t keep me from moving forward. I’m super smart, outgoing, mostly positive, but I’ve got to find a way out of this cycle because it clouds my thinking, takes clarity away from my life, and makes it harder to enjoy the present moment.