Dear laelithia:

Welcome back to your thread. The objective I stated to you in my last post was: “A worthy objective would be to satiate that longing… with reality to fit the subjective experience” but it is not possible yet because you did not yet meet a man with whom a loving, healthy relationship is possible. So I will state another objective that you can possibly work on presently:

To fit your subjective experience to reality.

You wrote: “He promised me so many times he wouldn’t break my heart, that he would always be there for me, that I was the one for him…”

The promises a person makes are only as good as the person making them. His words were worthless. You are holding on to his words as if they have a meaning in objective reality. Objectively, the only meaning of these words is the past enunciation of them. You are holding on to enunciation, the utterance, the sound, the vocalization of syllables and consonants and nothing more.

You wrote: “I am terrified of this happening with anyone else”- treat anyone else’s promises as utterance, sounds and future promises by a future man will not be threatening. After a long time of getting to know a man, evaluate him and then figure if his promises are more worthy than mere utterances, the making of sound.

You wrote: “One day, I broke down and sent him the pictures of the texts he sent me, promising never to hurt me, and he said cruelly to get over it, that it had been 2 months already”- it really takes 2 minutes to get over the making of sounds if you perceive those sounds as just sounds, which is the objective reality here.

You wrote: “He said we shouldn’t be friends anymore”- good idea.

You wrote: “Anyone I meet, I cannot imagine them being as wonderful as he was at the beginning”- what if instead of imagining others to not be as wonderful as he was in the beginning, what if you imagined them not being as unloving as he has been at the end.

You wrote: “I see now that it was not real love on his end, but it was real for me…”- objectively, love between two people cannot be real unless it is real for both people and the relationship is indeed working for the two.

You wrote: “I have never felt that way about anyone before, so grateful to finally have that emptiness inside of me filled, that I was certain he was the one for me…”- objectively, he is not the one for you.

“I’ve regressed back to wondering what would have happened if I had behaved myself better that last visit to his city when we were together, what if I had paid more attention to my appearance? …I should have presented myself better”-  do you think this is true for all the other women who have been in his life, none of which he committed to, that they didn’t present themselves attractively enough (including the blue eyed girls, which is his type, as he stated to you)?

anita

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