Dear larissa:

Regarding you wanting to share your story so to help others, you are welcome to share more of it here, on this thread or you can start a new thread, choose its title and write it thoughtfully, share your story thoroughly, include in is what you learned from it so far, share the understanding you have now (“i  have learned so much from it and everything that has happened to me…. i wouldnt be as wise and understanding as i am now”)

Regarding not knowing yourself, not knowing your likes and dislikes, the way to get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, I believe, is through paying attention (the practice of Mindfulness) and experimentation. For example, gardening- focus on a task, pay attention to how you feel doing this particular gardening task, and how you feel doing another task; what in a particular task is pleasant and what is not. Maybe it is more pleasant to work in the sun, maybe better in the shade. Maybe it is easier to weed after the rain, maybe better at this angle, or that. Experiment and pay attention.

And make thoughtful choices (the theme of my first reply to you on this thread). Use every opportunity to make a thoughtful choice. The more thoughtful choices you make, the more you are being yourself. Avoid automatic, habitual behavior when thoughtful, new behavior is more effective. Try new behaviors and see how they work for you.

anita