Dear Koala:

The pattern of you groveling long enough, as punishment, until he is satisfied that you are punished enough, that has to stop, and so I agree with your friends whos suggest that you stop apologizing and otherwise expressing to him, once again, that he does have the upper hand, and therefore, it is safe for him to return to the relationship.

For my better understanding, can you give me a couple of examples of something “not directly positive” that you tried to speak to him about,  following which he dismissed you?

And can you give me a couple of examples of what preceded you “get(ting) so upset and cannot hold them in any longer and have a big fight with him”?

anita