Dear Koala:

After reading your examples and the rest of your second post, then re-reading your original post, I will quote you and point to Possibilities. You are not likely to like reading these, but if you consider them and find some validity in them, it may very well be helpful to you.

“He is the least confrontational person I have ever met and he will do anything to avoid any awkward situations or feelings”- Possibility: you are too confrontational and he understandably doesn’t like it.

“I, on the other hand am very open about my feelings and concerns and find healing when I can talk to people about my emotions even if they are uncomfortable”- Possibility: whenever you feel distressed you pass on your anxiety/ distress to him,  It being a Win-Lose relationship: you win (distress is relieved); he loses (distress added)

“I have conformed to the bottling up emotions…This has lead me to become an extremely anxious person… Now and then all of my worries and fear just explode out of me in the worst ways possible, where I get so upset and cannot hold them in any longer and have a big fight with him”- Possibility: you prefer frequent smaller, daily confrontations with him, so to relieve your anxiety on a daily basis and prevent the infrequent big confrontations/ explosions.

“often, after these confrontations, I feel a lot better but he becomes very angry and distant with me”- you do feel better. Possibility: you feel better at his expense, after passing on your distress to him.

“I want him to know that he is loved and accepted for who he is and that I can help him with any issues he has also”- Possibility: you are often critical of him, pointing out his faults and inadequacies, and so you are sending him the message that you do not accept him and do not love him for who he is.

“The examples of uncomfortable conversations can range greatly, from me simply expressing that maybe he should try to do something a different way, like dusting or tidying from the way he normally does it”- Possibility: you micro-manage him, looking for inadequacies and point them to him, as if better dusting is more important than his emotional well being.

“…to more serious things like I feel he is distant or bad at staying in touch with me when I’m away with work”-Possibility: your expectations that he checks in with you are unrealistic or, it may be understandable that he is trying to avoid contact so to not get more criticism.

anita