Hi Anita

I’m so sorry to be emailing you again, I’m sitting at my desk thing “why why why” why do I feel the need to get support of this great site and why can’t I just deal with this on my own! I just want to be chill about this stupid situation, but I can’t! I can’t just let it be. I spoke with my dad last night and finally told him and his was response was “do you want me to tell you it’s going to be ok, because it won’t, you will cry a lot and you will be sad but Sophie what will be will be – you don’t have a crystal ball so just be calm” me and my dad are super close and just how he says theses thing makes my mind clear for just five minutes but when I’m on my own and I’m bored my mind goes mad! One thing to the next. It’s like I have emotional bipolar.

So Pete (the boyfriend) has been away for just over a week – he is sending me loving text like “you are the sunshine in my life – you are my one and only” (gross but cute ha) when I talk to my friends about this, they are very protective of my and remind me about the past, when he was seeing me and another girl at the same time, when we were out in the club and I saw him get with another….. this club situation was about 3 years ago but still to this day makes me feel so sick inside. And I think how can someone do that to me, treat me with such disrespect but then I think maybe he has grown up and he really does love me and want to marry me like he says he does! I feel myself trying to justify his actions to myself and others – what does this mean?

I can’t belive how my mind it going 100 miles an hour’s 24/7 and he is just so cool about it – when I talk to him and say stuff like “it will kill me when we have to say good bye” (makes me feel sick inside just typing that!) He always says yes I find it so hard too and I’m going to hate it but he never voices it AT ALL and im the one going to bed almost every night crying .

I’m so nervous about losing our connection, sexually and emotionally but part of me whilst writing this is like “are you Sophie” my mind is just so confused, it’s almost like I’m going away to see if I can find better and if not I will come back to him. In some ways I fell I deserve better because I give sooooo much love to him and feel I might not get the same in return? Just because he says nice things to me doesn’t mean that enough does it?

I think im looking for answers to questions I don’t even know if that makes any sense at all – ive never been so confused in my life!

I really am sorry if this makes no sense at all but that’s because my brain is fried.

Thank you for you kind help you have no idea howmuch it means x