Dear limbikanimaria:

I agree with you that “dating allows for more opportunities to actually work through the issues rather than avoiding relationships altogether”- that working effectively on problems is only possible in the context where the problems occur.

I understand that he was and is willing to not “like” suggestive photos of women, and accommodated you that way. It makes sense to me that the April liking has to do with the in-between period, in between him being single and getting back together with you.

As far as him following all those people on social media, males and females (correct?)- this is more of a lifestyle, a modern-day lifestyle as I see it. I see younger people on their phone a whole lot of the time, doing just that. And so, when you are asking him to unfollow people, you are asking him to change his (not clearly harmful) lifestyle, to stop doing something that he enjoys, something that fills his time-  and that is unreasonable.

The fact that it bothers you so much, eating at you, as you stated, that is not a way for you to live either. And so, makes sense to me that you either end the relationship and make sure that the next man you date is not occupied with this lifestyle, or you learn to endure this distress and change your thinking about this Following-people-lifestyle. I only suggest changing one’s thinking if the new thinking fits reality.

Ask him what it means to him to follow people, particularly women. Listen to what it means to him. If you do, you may realize that what you thought it meant … is not what it really means.

anita