Dear Anita,

I will go through with your response and explain one by one.

1. You wrote : “my input: you were already someone. When they send you the message that they want you to be someone in the future, they implied that you were not someone. What they implied was incorrect.” -> What they meant by “someone” is someone who is successful, has a good career, is having a stable live according to their standards. As you can see, I am here writing about how I am questioning my life, questioning my studies and everything – so clearly I am still not that someone yet.

2. You wrote : “you have NOT been doing what you want to do for way too long. Way, way too long.” -> I am not denying this.

3. You wrote : “Sure, everyone prefers to be rich, but I wonder if marrying someone rich, in your mind, would be about pleasing your parents, as if to say: I am not being the rich career woman you want me to be, but I married a rich man, so are you pleased? Do you approve of me..?” -> I think I might have worded my sentences badly here. I wanted to emphasise the fact that career and education doesn’t matter as much after your marriage. Marriage is the ultimate goal, for me personally. I do not understand why people are working /studying so hard when at the end of the day – I would PROBABLY be more successful than those people that worked their ass all their life through MY marriage. Do not worry though, I am not planning to give up on my education ever, that I know for sure. I am also not planning to find a rich husband. I am searching for a smart, loyal and honest partner. Someone that I can truly talk to. I do not care about their money. It was just an example on how people can easily get equal respect and amount of money through marriage even though they never worked hard. I am not planning to do this in my situation.

4. You wrote : “Thing is, you are not in a mental position to make this decision now. The reason I state you are not in the position to make this decision is that you wrote that you want to do so “as early as possible”- the rushing in it is suspect to me, at nineteen.” ->  I am also not denying this, I am very well aware that I am probably not in my right mind. I guess, I am thinking that marriage will solve every single problem about life that I have been dealing with. Financial problems, education problems, pressure to get marriage problems, how to live my life problems – this will ALL be solved through marriage somehow. That is how I think in the back of my mind. I know that it is probably not true.

5. You wrote : “Problem is “back home” doesn’t read to me like a comfortable place to be in because your parents do not support you living your own life, being a “someone” capable of determining how to .. truly live your life, that is, being true to yourself. Am I correct?” -> I cannot even go back home. I am only 19, I have never worked any kind of real job in life. Part times here and there for like 2 weeks per year, I did it for fun not for money. I am not capable of “rebelling” against my parents because I need their money and their support. I still want to continue college, I need money for that. Tons of money. After college, If I still haven’t met my husband yet, I would have t0 find work. This again, in my country  – we need family backing. I wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for my parents. That is why I am seeking marriage as soon as possible, to get out. At least I know that I would marry someone that would let me do the things that I want to do. Instead of my family, I would be able to control my own life, I see marriage as a ticket to freedom. Going back at this point is not even choice to tell you honestly. I would have to keep going and pray that somehow I will find a way out other than marriage.

I know that I sound very absurd and weird, I am sorry for that.

-Mina