Dear Mina:

I am glad you returned to your thread. I was hoping that you will.

Regarding #1, being someone: I figured what your parents mean by being someone. I am suggesting that you will be the one to determine what it means. It is possible for you to be someone valuable in your own mind, and in the minds of your future husband and children even if you are not someone in your parents’ minds.

Regarding #3- you wrote that you are looking for “a smart, loyal and honest partner,” someone you “can truly talk to”- most important, absolutely. And life’s practical matters have to  be attended to as well, so finances have to be considered before marriage.

Regarding #4 & #5: I figured (right after I sent you the last post) that you are rushing to get married, at nineteen, so to get away from home (“That is why I am seeking marriage as soon as possible, to get out”), looking at marriage as a solution.

You wrote: “I am not capable of ‘rebelling’ against my parents because I need their money and their support”, not only during college, but, if not married by then, after college as well.

You wrote that going back home is not even an option, that you have to keep going and that your only ticket to freedom is through marriage.

You wrote that you “sound very absurd and weird”- not to me. You read, to me, like a very reasonable, logical person. When your parents are inflexible, set in their thinking (which is their not their unique thinking, it is the socially accepted thinking, in many countries for many decades), and you are young and dependent, what can you do?

At this point, what can you do… I agree, you are not in the position to rebel. So keep going. Regarding the marriage, it can be a solution, only if you evaluate the potential husband accurately, over time. It has to be the right man. Otherwise, you may substitute bad with worse.

And maybe later, a year, or a few years, some other good solution becomes available for you, something not visible now.

For now, yes, do keep going. Even though you will not rebel outwardly at this point, do keep your independent thinking going. I like your thinking. Keep at it. And do post anytime.

anita