Thanks for your feedback ladies!! It’s nice to know I’m not alone as I think this is what panics me most…feeling alone and like I will *always* be alone. Even though that’s never been the case and it’s not currently the case…it’s just crazy how we can make these things up.

Wendy – I hear you!! Definitely on the same page about feeling better when we have plans. Dunno why this is. I think ultimately my fear is that he’s just going to completely blank me at any point because he realizes he doesn’t actually like me but if we have plans together then hey, he has to follow through with that right? Typing it out it seems so silly. For the most part I know I’m a cool and desirable person with a lot to offer and love to share but like you said – when feelings get involved, it just becomes scary and so hard for me not to worry about the bottom falling out. I was going to hold off and not text him first yesterday just because I needed to see that he would in fact reach out to me after some time. But then I decided I should just be authentic (sometimes hard to know what that even is) and since I was wondering how a project he’s working on was going, just decided to ask about it. Within 2 mins he called and we talked for about an hour, and he even wanted to know if I wanted company. It’s stuff like this that shows me we just have different communication needs and I can’t put these expectations on him that he’s not even aware of. Still makes me wonder if he was eager to talk to me why he didn’t reach out first?!

The book I’m reading is “Insecure in Love” by Leslie Becker-Phelps. I’m going through it really slowly and I do think it will be helpful! I’ve never really been able to trace where all this insecurity and fear of abandonment came from because for the most part I think I had a happy childhood. No one instance of major trauma anyway. But this book is helping me see that there probably are some pretty clear factors from my past coming in to play. I think it will be a good one to go back to from time to time too. It’s got lots of exercises that get you thinking, and helps you identify your attachment style.

Eliana – thank you for sharing your story! It’s great you’re becoming healthier and good on you for taking steps to get there!! My parents divorced when I was a baby and I stayed mostly with my mom who I love to death and have always been close to but she has bipolar disorder and for as long as I can remember will swing (on a monthly or so basis) from being SUPER involved and energetic but also extremely sensitive and easily offended to being cold, withdrawn and removed. As much as I love her, I know this has had a big impact on my trust of people. I always feel like there’s something bubbling underneath the surface. Add to this the fact that when I was 6 she remarried a jealous and controlling man with three kids of his own (I’m an only child) who would not let me and my mom have any time by ourselves or ever do anything together, including visit my grandparents. She stayed married to him for TEN YEARS. Also my step-siblings were super attractive and popular and I always felt less than. ALWAYS. So I’m not sure if this is what’s contributing to my insecurity, or if it is like you said just the newness of the relationship and the fact that I really do not know where I stand.

Connie – I understand this frustrating need to push away just so he can prove that he wants to be with you. I used to do this with an ex of mine all the time. I’m glad I have finally let this behavior go, but I know how easy it is to beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you’re doing really well trying to deal with it. Agreed that mindfulness is probably key! Sometimes it is just so overwhelming and hard to stay the course. And I definitely agree that I have to find my own happiness. I think this is a major problem. Once I enter a relationship, that seems to become my main focus in my life! I’ve never been one to have a lot of hobbies or things going on, so when I start dating someone it’s so easy to just get wrapped up in them. But as I’ve gotten older and more responsibilities, I can see that there are SO many things I can get into that will take my focus from obsessing on a guy to just be able to enjoy time with him. I think you’re spot on.

Thanks again, hope to hear back from you guys! 🙂