Dear Anita,

I have these thoughts and worries about her ending up in another circumstance like this but I also feel this could not happen because she is deeply in love with me and wants her future with me. We have talked about circumstances with drinking and she claims she would never do anything stupid to hurt me. It’s just that I’ve seen her drunk and she just seems to lose control and there have been times where she has been kind of flashy with her body parts (I don’t think it’s on purpose, but more so something a girl would do around her friends to be funny).  It has made me resentful toward her when it comes to drinking and I also feel more picky and judgemental about what she wears because of this, as if I’m trying to prevent this “slutty” behavior or appearance.

I also understand the nature of males and females and the desire to be with a mate for the sake of offspring. I think I’m overly attached in this way because of my parents being divorced and for some time I was very upset with my mom for being with my step dad and I would think that they weren’t supposed to have sexual relations or that she didn’t love me as much. It’s weird that I thought this, but a little bit of sexual abuse occurred when I was younger with a step cousin on the other side of the family (step moms family). It created these weird beliefs about relationships that I don’t totally understand, but makes me feel accusing in relationships.

I can’t quite remember what you had posted before but I think maybe it had to do with my fear of losing her or thinking of her negatively because anxiety prepares you for danger in that way. I tend to become angry sometimes and feel that I don’t need her as a way of defending myself. It shouldn’t be this way because I love her though.

Scott