Dear Anita,

I took the time to read through this carefully and am now able to understand and respond in a calm, thought through manner.

1. I would agree that this sexual experience of mine with a step cousin didn’t really impact me at the time or later on in life. I hardly ever think about it nowadays, if at all. The only reason I have made a reference to it is because I’m looking for past troubles or traumas to explain my problems and ways of thinking right now. I don’t feel as if my innocence was taken away and there wasn’t really a trauma as a result, just some insecurities that people would find out or whatever.

2. I think the son-mother reason is probably the cause of my pain right now. Although I thought I got over it, or forgot about it, I don’t believe I did. I think I repressed my feelings towards it at the time because my mother was becoming tired of me being controlling and concerned about her every action which led to her impatience and I feared that. I remember her telling me I was going to have to stop the behavior, and I became scared and probably repressed my feelings and tried to forget in fear that she would stop loving me or would lead to more trouble.

Although I have never viewed my relationship with my mother in the Freud way, I can see how that would have made sense when I was younger and in competition with my step father when he first came around. I know that I would try to gain attention and would kick my walls at night and such because I was upset, as my parents told me. I do remember though always thinking about their sexual relations and I would be in my room at night thinking they were having sex or something, and it just caused me so much distress.

After reading some about the Oedipus Complex, I am realizing that in my current relationship it’s as if I’m seeking to gain control, pursuing a goal that will never actually bring me satisfaction. I notice that I want to have complete control over my girlfriend’s sexuality and what she does with regard to her body, how she shows it off, etc. I’m prioritizing sex over intimacy for this reason, similar to something I read about the Oedipus Complex and complications later on in life with adult intimate relationships. Whether it’s sex or being the best I can be (being fit or attractive or making lots of money), I constantly feel this pressure to impress or strive for something, and I don’t know why. Usually in a relationship, you grow closer and those temporary mood boosters begin to diminish.

This is all I have for now, but let me know what you think and how I can go about solving this issue.

Scott