Dear Julie:

Reads like your mother’s health is not good and your concern is realistic. It is also realistic to separate the things you, Julie, cannot change from the things you can change.

You wrote that “every single day (you are) stressed to the max” and that you are afraid that you “will manage to give (yourself) a heart attack at this rate”- this item is possible for you to change. You wrote that you can’t help it, but it is possible if you learn and practice some skills.

On the other hand, your mother’s obesity is within the category of what you cannot change. You already tried and failed. There is simply nothing you can do.

Your father taking out loans, something you found out after the fact, you can’t change that either. But you were able to take out a loan yourself, instead of him taking yet another loan, perhaps. That was something you were able to make happen.

The Serenity Prayer (and I don’t pray) states: “…Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

My you access the serenity that you need.

anita