Eliana: Thank you for your response! People have told me “your life will still be okay without him” and “love your life without a significant other first.” I was in a relationship for 5 years, single for 2, and now in my current relationship for 1- and I have to be honest, I’m a very relationship-oriented person. Many of my close friends have since moved away, gotten married, and are having kids. My whole family also lives ~4 hours away from me. I also work from home alone full time. I’m also incredibly financially strained at the moment and cannot afford to invest in many extracurricular activities to meet new people (I’m working on this). So when I was single, I felt unbelievably isolated. I did everything alone. Went to the beach alone to read. Went shopping alone. Ate out alone. I have no problem managing life “alone,” however- I do believe that humans are inherently social creatures and forming healthy connections with others is crucial to our happiness.

But I do understand your very valid point. People won’t always be there (due to illness, death, other circumstances)… and so then you’re back to square one of being alone. So I do think there’s value in creating as best of an “alone” life as one possibly can. I should work on that more.

Nakata: Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate a lot. Even though deep down I see how patient, generous, and kind my boyfriend is to me- my anxiety still creeps in and looks for red flags, even when there are no discernible ones.

Everyone has their own idea of “reality” and I have thought to myself, “It would’ve been so much easier had I just chosen the optimistic view of “reality,” rather than the pessimistic one. I know it’s an underlying defense mechanism. I think if I can spot the signs of someone losing interest first, then I can mentally prepare myself for losing the person, getting my things in order, etc…

Anxiety has a lot to do with control. See the whole scenario above? I’m literally trying to control the situation in an effort to avoid pain. But that’s not how life works.

I think it’s time to relinquish control. I remember one therapy session where I was told to imagine myself floating down a river and just letting the current of life take me where it will. Is it a little scary? Of course. But I can’t keep living in this constant state of fear->anxiety->control. That’s not a peaceful way to live. So today I’ll try to just “float down the river.”