Dear Mina:

You wrote: “I have never worked a proper job… I cannot drive, and I cannot even apply for my own visa… My mother did it all for me”-

This led to you believe that alone,  you are incapable of taking care of yourself. This is why being alone scares you so much. Being alone means you will perish.

You are “still attached and dependent on her (your mother), ” and “very attached and dependent to people”, including your tight circle of friends whose loyalty means to you  that they are “dependable when I need them to be”, as why you “depended a lot on my ex partner, having him made me feels very secure”.

Basically, having been spoiled meant that you did not have the opportunities to take care of yourself and in doing so, to develop the belief that you are able to take care of yourself. You therefore believe that you are not capable of taking care of yourself, which means other people must take care of you. If they don’t- you will not survive.

To be less dependent on others, you need to develop the belief that you are capable of doing the job of taking care of you, working, driving, applying for your own visa… There is no other way to diminish your fear of being alone and overdependence on others.

I wonder: do you feel that your mother is very attached/ somehow dependent on you and that if you do adequately take care of yourself and need her less, that it will be as if you are betraying her, or abandoning her?

anita