Hi everyone,

I would like to thank you all for taking the time out and replying to me in detail. I cannot even begin to explain how that feels. I had this unbearable thing inside of me for so long and unable to process it, but now that I am getting so many perspectives, I actually have started feeling free. Five years is a long time to hold on to such poisonous emotions. 

It is only since yesterday that I actually started seeing the angle of how well I handled it, all alone. Whenever I used to think of this, it was always shame, anger and sadness. Never once did I feel proud. And now I do. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF! I truly truly am.

No matter what, I always ended up with ‘they should not have said that’, ‘it should not have happened’, ‘there was no need for such words’. But now I accept the following.

It happened. They said those things. So what?

i always felt I was wronged. Maybe I was. But that doesn’t mean there is something wrong in ME that elicited such treatment. I always wondered what did I do to deserve this. I got my answer- Nothing. No woman deserves this. Ever.

I have been ashamed and felt I shouldn’t feel this way. I now realise subconsciously I have been seeking validation for what happened. But from whom? From someone, anyone. But I realise that is not necessary. I did not overreact. I did the right thing by resigning. And I have every right to feel violated and humiliated as gia mentioned. Reading gia’s words gave me that free feeling. I didn’t need to have punished myself! I can feel this way, it is ok! I don’t know why but it felt like someone agreed that what they said was unacceptable. 

I am struggling with the victim mindset for a long time, I was bullied for almost 10 years and also grew up in a critical environment. Self esteem is a huge issue for me. I have already started speaking Yvar’s words like affirmations. They give me such relief. They ring so true for me. 

I am crying a lot since yesterday and I am just letting it be. All of your words make me feel I am not alone at all. None of you know me and yet have me such encouragement and all agree that those comments were indeed vulgar. I never really gave myself credit for how I coped until yesterday. 

I was stuck in their behaviour. Refusing to accept it happened. But now that accept it did, I also accept that I have done really well for myself. It doesn’t make those hurtful words go away, but it makes a huge shift inside of me that I am not and never was responsible for their behaviour. And that sets me free. 

Thank you once again for everything. I guess I will be fine very soon. Emotions are tumbling out frequently. But this time, for good.

🙂 Littlered