Hi Anita,

Thanks for your response. I’ll gladly give the backstory.

I had been best friends with (let’s give ’em fake names, how about Emily and Shannon) Emily for years and years. I had known Shannon from elementary school, but it was a more casual friendship. A couple years ago, months before the fall out, I started having Shannon hang out with Emily and I more and more. As I said in the previous post, I attend the same school with one of them, that one being Shannon. Her and I began getting closer and closer, so it seemed only natural for me to having her hang out with Emily and I. Now, both of them had opposite personalities. They would complain about each other constantly to me, and it seemed like they tolerated each other at best. Now, how that evolved into them two being close and starting to act weird against everyone else is beyond me, even two years later.

So eventually, I began getting intentionally left out of plans. I caught them in lies time and time again, and went from being the one who made all the plans to either not being included or being hastily last minuted/invited/half-ass (mind my language) invited. I didn’t voice my concerns or real opinions on any of this to anyone because I thought maybe I was just being paranoid. People introduce friends to friends all the time, it’s only human nature for people to grow close as time goes on. But I knew this wasn’t just a natural or pure occurrence… They were being intentional in their actions. As I said in the original post, it all came out one night when I was out with the two of them. I was ditched halfway through the evening, and only saw them once we left the place we were at. We made some awkward small talk in the parking lot, and then went our separate ways. Once I got home that night I called one of our mutual friends and told her everything. She had hung out with three of us often during those months, so I knew she would have at least some idea as to what was going on. She confirmed my suspicions that things were messy and weird, saying she had noticed everything and had also just decided not to say anything. It felt so good to have my feelings validated after months of internal silence.

Hours later, I receive a text from Emily saying that she felt some tension all evening and wanted to know what was going on. I told her in all honesty that I felt ignored and like I was third wheeling a married couple and couldn’t understand what I had done to receive that kind of treatment for the past few months. I also told her that I didn’t think Shannon had a good heart and was trying to drive a wedge between us. I had good reason to believe this, as Shannon had been a shady person in all the time I had known her (hence her and I remaining more casual for most of our years as friends). To my shock, Emily doesn’t bother accepting what I had to say and said that NO, Shannon is a great person and loved me and always said great things about me, she wasn’t doing anything bad! I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Here I was telling her how I really felt, and she goes Team Defend Shannon. It was crazy. Minutes later, in the most non-obvious thing in the world, I receive a text from Shannon asking if I was okay. I ended up calling both of them out for trying to team up and text me with accusations at 1 in the morning, and eventually stopped responding after it only got messier with both of them. The next morning, I received a text from Emily saying that she was sorry for what happened, and that she should’ve listened to me and not thrown away our years of friendship. I accepted her apology, and we made small talk over text that day. She wanted to make plans to hang out, but I knew that what had happened wasn’t something I was going to get over anytime soon. Her true colors had come out, and I saw where her true loyalties lay. I ended up cancelling the plans with her, and that was the last time we had texted. Communication with both of them effectively stopped that day. Emily eventually followed/deleted me off all social media, and I immediately followed suit. Shannon continued following me everywhere and we stayed Facebook friends, but I saw no point in that and pulled the plug on all social media apps. She did the same literally minutes later.

Months later, my cousin passed away and Emily actually did send me her condolences, which was kind. So that takes us to present day, where I cannot seem to get over any of it. I had always been the friend who had taken care of everyone. Whenever either of them needed a shoulder to cry on, it was me they came to. When they had issues with family, I was the one who was immediately phoned to vent and cry to. I think that’s what hurts the most. I was never a bad friend, ever. Ask my whole social circle. So I guess if I knew deep down that I was a crap friend, it would’ve been easier to accept. The idea of bumping into either of them makes me queasy for reasons I can’t explain, but I never once have regretted my decision to cut ties. I just want to understand why my brain won’t let go and just let me forget these people were ever in my life. However, I’m aware that years of friendship doesn’t just get deleted. We’re not computers, and I need to understand that.

Sorry this got so long, I wanted to make sure everything was said so that any advice that comes will be advice that had the whole story. Thank you Anita!