Dear Mary:

Three things:

1. The practical: the situation is a mess and best, I believe, is to leave it alone, don’t add to it. It is broken. Whatever happens next, happens. Probably nothing much will happen if there is no more added to the fire, so to speak. People are busy with their lives, new things, and this mess will be in their past. Focus on new relationships and pay attention to being true to yourself in those. Be slow to make a friend, learn, evaluate, pay attention.

2. The guilt in this situation: your guilt over words you said that you regret, about your participation in the mess that this thread is about: I think that this guilt can be overcome not by trying to fix the mess (see #1), but by learning from it and correcting your future behavior. You earn your self forgiveness by this very process: learning and correcting future behavior.

Would you like to list next what you learned and what changes in your behavior you would like to make?

* You are responsible only for your participation in every interaction. You are not responsible for others’, for what they do.

3. Your guilt that pre-exists this situation: as a child, you felt responsible, or guilty for things you were not guilty of?

Pre-existing guilt, unless addressed and resolved, will keep spilling into new situations, causing you to take responsibility for others’ behaviors, others’ choices, responsibility that is not yours to take and which will cloud your ability to evaluate people.

anita