Dear Anita

Thank you very much for your reply it’s spot on, we didn’t talk about marriage in that same conversation but few weeks before yes. I mean I was clear and I said I can’t go on like this we need to decide where this is going etc… and he agreed that we should get married and he was even plaaning a suprise proposal (it was supposed to be a surprise but I found out), and during our call he said he loved me and then I asked him where is this going he said somewhere very serious and then we got cut off and he called back maybe 15 min later, brakes up with me in few minutes I couldn’t talk and he hangs up on me and that’s it.

He was very inconsistent with me many times, we agreed on this trip months ago he said he will free himself he will do whatever it takes and then last minute he can’t and I have to go. He did that last time and I accepted to go because he came to see me and I thought I should go but his excuse was the tickets are too expensive… and he insisted, he wanted me to come so badly I had to come earlier but when I was there he was sooo cold couldn’t hold his hand at first couldn’t kiss him, we didn’t go out that much, he bailed on me and disappeared for two days then he tried and fix his behavior but still I was so bored. He would either sleep or stay home watch Netflix maybe go out time to time and that’s it! When he came the first time in my hometown I took him out every night, went to fun places and even paid sometimes. When I came back I wanted to end it but he promised he won’t do it again and he has issues from previous relationships and the way he treated me during that trip was his biggest regret. So yes he was very inconsistent with his behavior.
The weird part is I know I don’t deserve this and I deserve someone who will love me consistently and be there, but I still love him and a part of me still wishes he comes back and changes but I know it’s not possible. Why am I feeling this?