Dear Mary:

Hopefully the college professors, if approached by this young woman, are mature enough to not get caught up in her charisma. Hopefully that charisma you witnessed doesn’t work on mature people, professors, who have limited time for what they (hopefully) consider nonsense. They are not her peers or her friends and are not invested in being accepted by her or approved by her. They have their families to attend to, lectures to give, papers to grade, meetings to attend… I doubt they have the time or the inclination to listen to her complaints, if she voices any to them, and to give her the time and opportunity to persuade them.

If a professor initiate a talk to you about her complaints, you can prepare now with possible complaints and your responses to them. If you prepare, aim at short responses that display a mature, reasonable attitude and thinking, not getting caught up in emotion.

Regarding how to motivate your mother to not abuse you: if she is caught up in her distress and is not available and willing to see your distress, she will not be feeling empathy for you. Without her feeling empathy for you, she will not be motivated. This is very unfortunate. If it is possible for you to present to her consequences to her abusive behavior, that may work, as any person is motivated to avoid pain and to approach pleasure. If you leave the room or house when she is abusive, it may be a negative consequence for her, in her mind, which may help in your quest to not be abused.

If when she acts respectfully toward you, you point out your appreciation for her respectful behavior, pointing out what she said or did that was respectful, that may give her a good feeling that will motivate her to repeat that respectful behavior.

anita