Dear Kate:

For the marriage to work out, your husband needs to stop acting disrespectfully toward you, which is what he is doing. Telling you that you are stupid is disrespectful. You did communicate to him clearly and calmly that his comments are problematic, before you “get so fed up and start yelling and taking everything out on him and sometimes the kids”, correct?

It will be tough to fit the time for couple therapy for the two of you. It will also be an expense none of you want to handle, I am thinking. Will that motivate him to correct his behavior?

Of course, it is very important that you no longer take your anger out on the kids, it being that the youngest already suffers from ADHD and the oldest is anxious about starting middle school. This very fact, I would think, should motivate your husband to stop acting disrespectfully toward you, stop doing what he is doing that is contributing to mistreating his own children.

anita