Yes, acceptance of the situation is what I want to achieve. I need to let go of the hope for a loving, happy marriage.

He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 4 years ago and has struggled to accept the diagnosis, to take medications that manage his symptoms, and so on. His reluctance to take medications has been a sore point between us. He currently takes enough medication to manage the worst of his symptoms, but he remains irritable, depressed, distant and closed. He isn’t interested in the things we used to do together. He isn’t interested in being emotionally intimate or physically intimate. He has quit individual therapy because he doesn’t think it helps him. (I think therapy could be invaluable for him, as it has been for me, but he doesn’t put in any effort other than sitting in the sessions.) Our couples therapist would give us exercises like putting a note of gratitude into a jar every day and sharing them once a week, and he would put in maybe one thing and then hated doing the exercise because he felt like it was a competition (even though I told him however much he put in was fine and it wasn’t a competition). Our couples therapist told me privately that he has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old, and he doesn’t seem interested in doing the work necessary to grow beyond that.

So it’s not like we are fighting or anything. He’s just distant, closed, passive, and not interested in being otherwise. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years trying this or that, trying to encourage him to be more engaged and close, but I guess whatever we used to have is gone. At least from his perspective.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Emelle.