Dear Emelle:

You want to accept your situation with equanimity, peace of mind, and let go of the hope for a loving, happy marriage.

You wrote that your couples therapist told you privately “that he has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old”- this means that you are living with two children: your 12 year old daughter and a 13 year old boy in a man’s body (who is able to have a job and support you and your daughter, correct?)

You take your 12 year old’s anxiety into consideration as you interact with her, as you make choices regarding her life. In a similar way, you can consider your … new roommate’s mental immaturity and challenges as you interact with him. If you see him as a boy with mental challenges, you may no longer expect from him what is realistic to expect from a mature, mentally healthy man. Seeing him in a way that is congruent with reality may give you that peace of mind.

anita