Dear Andy:

There are emotional memories, like the pain that returned to you in the context of current dating, and there are rational memories, such as remembering the dry facts of the divorce. When I am hit with a painful emotional memory, that is, when an emotional memory is activated in the present, I try to turn toward it (when in the past I resisted it, trying to keep it out). I try to let it be. This is the only way to weaken such memories, to weaken the painful emotion.

When you relax into a painful experience, it is less painful than when you resist, definitely so in the long run.

anita