Dear Brooke:

This is my understanding of your situation: distressed by anxiety you tried to control him and the relationship, exert power over him aggressively, fighting with him, demanding him to produce results that will make you feel safe. Intimidated by you, he accommodated you in the past, but it was never enough because your anxiety kept going, leading you to more fighting, more efforts to control.

He is currently not intimidated by you and so, you lost what control you had over him. He made the right decision, to no longer be controlled and to disengage from fighting.

You wrote that you went to counseling regarding your anxiety. I hope you keep going. If you reduce and manage your anxiety without reacting to it by fighting and demanding, if you let him be, if you practice the Win-Win principle in your relationship with him (you don’t control him, that is him Losing), then there is a chance for this relationship to work out.

There needs to be no more fighting. No more aggression in your relationship.

anita