Dear Felix:

You asked: “So how do I trust women again?”

My answer: You don’t, and you don’t try to trust women again. I don’t think it is possible for you, neither is it a good idea.

Instead, you prepare for two things: one, is you may never get married because of community property laws in California. Also, being aware (are you not) that living together with a woman for a certain amount of time gives her legal rights to your income and property acquired while living together. You may choose to not live together with a woman or end the living together arrangement time before that cut off date. There is nothing wrong with these as long as you are honest with the woman, consistently honest with the woman ahead of time, in the beginning stage of the relationship.

The second thing is, you can keep (and how can you not…, it is already established) distrust in women. Consider, instead, trusting this or that particular individual after getting to know her. Keep that as a possibility.

You asked: “How do I not think that all women are bad?”- It is not only a thought, that “all women are bad”- it is a belief, that is a thought glued with emotion. And so, you believe what you believe and my above input is the same here.

You wrote: “My mom did something horrible and now my wife, who I love more than anything in this world, is leaving me.”- be selective as to whom you love. You had no choice about who your mother was when you were born to her. You had a choice about the nature of your wife, but you were probably not very aware that you had that choice. Now you have a choice and you can be more aware that you do.

And by the way, the reality that some women did, do and will be motivated, through the aid of an attorney, to target all the financial benefits possible in a divorce does not make you a sexist (you expressed concern about being thought as one). It makes you a realist, since legal divorce records are available to the public.

(You may be a sexist, I don’t know, but not for the reason you brought up here…)

anita