Dear Honour A.:

My first thought was that assuming there are no children in this marriage (you didn’t mention any), that I hope there will not be children in it, not before there is heavy duty healing taking place for her. Her expressions of anger  will greatly harm a child.

My advice to you: put more of a daily routine into your shared life, same things happening every day, for example: the two of you sharing coffee at …10 am (if you are home, daily, or on the weekends) and discussing the events of the day to come. The two of you having dinner at the same time and in a certain way. Perhaps a walk outside at about the same time every evening. Routine will calm her.

She told you that she doesn’t want to “waste time sitting around a doctors office just to go and talk to a stranger about our problems”-

How about she talks to you, her husband,  about her problems during the sharing-coffee time? You can discuss ground rules for such times, so to avoid arguing and evaluate the effectiveness of such discussions periodically.

anita