Hey Miney.

Sorry about your loss. As someone whose had my heart broken on a number of occasions, I know what you’re going through, and I know it’s awful.

I would second what the others have said – allow yourself time to grieve, and don’t distract yourself per se, but live – do the things you love to do with the people you care about. Surround yourself with joy.

But, something I would add for later once you’re feeling a bit better is something I found was at the root of the way in which I felt destroyed when I was essentially dumped, which was…

I felt that I needed those relationships to complete me. I was looking for something out of those relationships which I felt I needed to fulfill my sense of who I was…my ego. For me, that was often someone who would make me feel like I was a kind person and lovable…lots of personal history behind that too.

Then, after all I realized that when you come into a relationship trying to fulfill some empty or broken part of yourself (or something that you perceive that way), it becomes critical to who you are. You can’t live without it. You’re devastated when it’s over and can’t imagine life without it.  The key is to only come into a relationship bringing your whole self and knowing what you have to give. Expect the other person will treat you lovingly…have those expectations…but don’t expect him to deliver any part of you or make you whole. You need to be whole to have successful relationships – that’s why you need to love  yourself first!

Anyway, if you’re interested I’ll likely be expounding on this in a blog post I’m currently writing for this site. I’d be happy to share that with you.

Until then, hang in there. But when you feel ready, think about this. Did you NEED that relationship? If so, what did you need about it? What about you was “broken” that you needed this relationship to fix?

I’m not saying that this is the case with you – being sad in this circumstance  is human, healthy and normal – but if you feel truly devastated over a prolonged period of time, just think about it.