Hi Anita, I am now back in Australia. I’m still sad as we were meant to be together, however I need to think of all the positive things I have. Now that I have time to reflect over our relationship, I realised that I wasn’t happy. He couldn’t handle drinking , so nearly everytime we went out he either blacked out, passed out, ran away from me or ignored me. This had ruined countless nights out and  I would be in the bathroom crying. Which is not healthy. I would tell him in the morning but he wouldn’t remember. He would say sorry but would laugh about it, and because he didn’t remember the cycle would continue. It was even worse if he went out without me, as several times he had passed out on the public transport so I would worry about that, and someone would have to take care of him. I also never trusted him as before we were together he would hook up with people and not remember, so I thought he could of done that. He said he would never do that but he ended up cheating on me anyway, I kind of knew that he eventually would, which is weird. Because of having to deal with that, looking back on it I developed anxiety and got nervous going out, and didn’t want to socialise. Even if it wasn’t going out with him. I felt myself changing as I used to not be like that. But even now i keep getting nervous – I am going to see a counsellor about it. Since being single, I have gone out and had the best time, it was like a weight had been lifted off me. I didn’t Realise how much it has affected me. When we first got together, he was so nice to me and thought the world of me. However as the relationship progressed he would put me down, and make me feel worthless. I never stood up for myself, and if I did I would cry. When I would cry he would just ask me if I was crying, if I left the room to get away he would follow me and force me to look into his eyes to see if I was crying. So I learnt to lie or to stop crying, and he wouldn’t really apologise. He was emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive and would make me feel bad if he wasn’t happy. I didn’t realise how bad it was as I was trying to just look at the positives, and thought that it would be better in Australia as he would be happy there. However, it just would of got worse. I didn’t realise that he put me down so much, but when we broke up my housemate said that she noticed that he would put me down a lot, would shut down my ideas and would tell me what to do. Her friend was staying with us for a couple of days two months ago, and when he found out we broke up he said that he thought it would probably happen as he had seen my ex’s behaviour towards me. I feel ashamed that I didn’t realise it was that bad, for other people to of noticed it. Throughout the relationship I did want to break up, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and didn’t have enough self worth to leave. I used to suffer from an eating disorder during high school, and my ex would comment on my eating habits , which he said was a joke. One day he took a picture of me and wrote that I was a pig because I had eaten a lot, and sent that to his friends. It was a joke but I said it made me feel uncomfortable as I used to have an eating disorder, and he either didn’t understand or apologise. I am a tiny person so I know that I’m not big. However the same night in bed he pulled my stomach skin and said I had eaten a lot, he said it was a joke as well, but it made me upset obviously. I don’t think he ever really cared about my feelings. I have trouble expressing myself and seem to cry instead of talking, so I need to work on that. I think I also need to work on setting up boundaries. As he would make me feel bad when I cried. So I’m glad that I’m not with him anymore as looking back it was a toxic situation. I just don’t think I would of left. We were only together for over a year, and that should be your honey moon period. There were good times but that was mainly when he was travelling or when we were away, as he was happy then.