Dear Rich:

When you live without love in your life, or with too little of it, you are running on empty. If only there was love in your life, that would give you the hope, the energy to keep going. With your mother, your motivation is guilt. It is clear to me that your guilt in regard to her is not justified, but you feel it nonetheless and I understand it. Your motivation with your sister is empathy for your sister.

But where and when is the motivation empathy for yourself?

I suppose not wanting to feel guilty about your mother is a desire to not feel pain. Unfortunately preventing that particular pain is not good enough. Wanting to talk to your father, what motivates you to do that, I don’t know.

My suggestion is still to attempt to, intend to and do your best to focus on empathy for yourself, for the lovable child that you were, unfortunately unloved and the lovable man that you are, still not loved.

Still not loved, not because you are not worthy of love but because people have not been available, nor were they motivated to attend to you. Please do attend to yourself. Be good to you.

anita