Dear Christopher:

I have more input and I hope you welcome it.

You wrote in your original post: ” I am trying to be strong, do all the right things, but am so confused as to how we got this far so quickly… it does not ‘add up’ so to speak. Is this separation necessary?”

There has been a live-in very damaging element in your marriage for three years and that is her mother. You wrote that her mother  has “never giving us any space to be ourselves or create everyday intimacy…interfere with our lives… become a third parent to our son…regularly tells my wife things that belittle or assassinate my character…. I have become a third-party in many ways. It sometimes feels like it’s her mother’s world and we are just living it”- three years of that is not a “so quickly” of a deterioration of a marriage.

Your reaction to this very damaging element: “I have tried to support and honor her mother, caring for her”- you supported the damaging element in your marriage. The response of the damaging element was to further the damage and lead the marriage to divorce.

Your wife “does not think her mother is an issue or at least will not address it” but her mother is the issue, as you said, “it’s her mother’s world and we are just living it”-

You are soon to move out of the house, your future ex wife will move to a place with her mother and your son. My suggestion is that you do focus on co-parenting your son best you can, be a good father, attentive, loving. Accept the ending of the marriage as the gradual process that it has clearly been happening for three years. Learn best you can from the experience, and make the best out of what you learn.

anita