Hi Fruzsina,

Hope you are doing very well.

I am dating a very similar man with the same personality traits (and your personality sounds a lot like mine) and I was wondering how your relationship is doing now (today is 10.03.17).

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and 6 months and still struggle with his quietness or that I primarily have to be the one to engage him in conversation (about anything).  There are other personality traits that he displays (that I find myself feeling like I’m being too needy), being quiet is just one of the main ones in our relationship.  And I just need to clarify that having quiet time is perfectly fine with me, it’s just that it feels like he is actually “withdrawn” during these quiet times (he actually described himself as withdrawn).  We have made this change where he states, “I need to check-out for a bit,” and it has helped, but then there are times when I have to say, “I need you to check-in,” and he completely understands that he needs to be engaging.  My only concern with this is that I’m not sure if I want to be with someone that it is unnatural for them to be open and outgoing and easy to smile and communicate (I feel like this is going against the grain for him and is that fair to him?).

The part that is most confusing is that in the beginning, he was just the complete opposite (he was outgoing, engaging, smiling from ear to ear, making me feel loved, and that he was “into me,” please know that I was also just as happy and completely into him), but I realize now, that I was bringing those feelings out of him, but they are not his “primary” personality traits.  As time progressed, that energy and happiness (he displayed) dissipated and now only comes in waves.  He is a wonderful man and will drive long distances to see me (we live in different states) but I feel I am constantly re-assuring myself that he loves me or that he is into me (by reminding myself of his “actions”) because of the lack of engagement and verbal communication.

I’m curious to know how you all are doing now.

Thanks so much for your feedback.

Sincerely,

Allie