Anita,

Thank you for understanding and appreciating my little gift. It meant a lot to me.

For others, it is only a mere name but for me the name Mina and Monica have a very different meaning.

It is important for me, to let go of Mina.

I have been holding on to a lot of things in my life during these past few months.

The name Mina itself, my long black hair that I refused to cut because Gyunnie liked it very much, our old photos together that I still carry everywhere that I go. Our last date receipt from a restaurant that actually already fades right now, I still keep it all.

Because that is how I keep the relationship alive by myself.

Struggling, refusing to let anyone in, refusing to hear what anyone says about him, or about our relationship, I fought so hard alone to keep it alive. It was so hard, very hard.

The earthquake is already starting … it feels like breaking up with him all over again.

It is … truly over this time.

I have said everything and he had heard everything.

Loss is so painful, so heart wrenching, to the point where death is an option – because you realise that it was once good.

It was perfect. It was everything that you had hoped for in your life.

I am so lucky to have a lot of amazing friends, their support has been overwhelming over these past weeks.

I cannot even describe it, I struggle with my belief and faith, my love life problem and my study here at K University.

I struggle everyday and it is not easy to talk with me logically sometimes, I have my own moment when I get very distress that I cannot think straight.

I feel like an outsider here, I have 3 more years as well. That became the main issue of my depression, and the break up was the cherry on top.

I broke down last summer – I was originally a very bubbly and happy person.

I used to love studying, shopping, and being alive. I used to.

Seeing the current “Monica” was a shock to a lot of people, even to my closest friends. I look very tired, and depressed most of the times. I want to get out of this, I really do.

To live my life as Monica, not Mina.

I am currently still in a lot of distress due to the change and shock from Gyunnie`s message, which is normal, I guess. I hope.

The feeling of loss is just so profound, so deep, so painful. It cannot be described with words.

I wrote a few things above on my last reply, on why he was so distant – was my assumption regarding the reason behind his action right, according to you?

That he at this point – just wants to move on and start anew at Y University.

I would love to hear your feedback as usual.

I hope that I do not sound too emotional or stressed out in this reply.

-Monica