Anita,

Words cannot express how grateful I am to have you during this process.

It is about time, for me to close this chapter of “Gyunnie” in my life.

I never imagine that I would come here everyday and talk to someone like you, sharing Gyunnie with a stranger that is miles away from me.

Tonight, I walked past a road that he used to take after dropping me off in my house, imagining myself as him. I cried, I was filled with a lot of emotions … I did not cry because of Gyunnie, it is just the memories was so real to me. I imagined him walking those empty road at 3-4am, walking pass those 2 traffic lights. While wearing his jacket in the spring weather. I can imagine it so vividly.

I made a promise to myself tonight that this long weekend of Thanksgiving will be the last time that I think of him, or get sad because of him. Seeing the current situation of Monica saddens me. I feel so sad for myself today. I am living like a crazy person. I am not taking care of myself, not eating or sleeping well. I went from one of the most fashionable student to become one of the laziest when it comes to dressing up. I finally opened my eyes to my own situation after 4 months.

It took me this long to pity myself. To put myself first. I feel so sorry for myself, it is not Gyunnie that I owe an apology for, it is Monica. I found a lot of old pictures of myself when I was in high school while rumming through my laptop today. I found pictures of me and my friends, pictures during my prom night, during my 17th birthday, me with my favourite teachers, me on my graduation day, a picture of me and my first love, a picture of me and my parents – those pictures become a reminder of who I am.

I realise that I was never lost … I just forgot, for a moment – on who is Monica / Mina besides being Gyunnie`s girlfriend. or ex girlfriend. I let him identify me as a person. His dreams became mine. His problems became mine. I was him.

I am very ashamed seeing those old pictures, Anita. I saw myself, and it was so hard to believe that it was me. I realise that before I met Gyunnie, I was a student and still is. I was a daughter and still is. I was a friend and still is. I was a very compassionate person, I was a very good student, I loved shopping, I loved watching rap shows, I loved going out and take tons of pictures.

and as of right now – I am still a compassionate person, I am still a very good student, I still love shopping, I still love rap songs, and I still love going out and taking pictures.

I am Monica, and I am very grateful that I get to remember myself again.