Anita,

I am sure you already know some of the most important parts about the relationship between me and my parents. Especially my mother.

The truth is, I grew up with stability. Besides the fact that my mother “did not accept” me thing that we have talked about.

My parents never once abused me physically, they rarely got mad at me actually.

The biggest fight I had with my mother was when I gave up my career as a Ballet dancer when I was 15.

Other than that, me and my parents relationship are “good” before I went to Korea. Not perfect, but it was good. We communicate and we hang out a lot on the weekends, even in the amidst of my busy schedules as a student and their working hours / overseas travelling every month. It was “flat” in a sense but it was stable.

My parents told me that they are very proud of me for being a good student during high school. It was a good times.

After I went to Korea, especially since this year – things has been … going downhill.

Especially things with my father. I am not very close to my father since I was a kid due to various reasons, but I never really fight with him about big things. Our first big fight was when I decided not to choose Business as my major, and the second one was when he totally ignored and refused to hear my struggles when I clearly told him that I want to stop studying at K University last June (June 2017, I made a thread about it I believe)

I am really disappointed with my parents, Anita. I trusted them, I loved them, they are the most important people in my lives but at the lowest point of my life … they refused to helped me. When I needed them the most, they do not want to understand my situation. I feel really betrayed, I feel really mad. Even now. They had abandoned me as a kid when they refused to get me out of K University last summer.

I do not think that my relationship with my parents will ever get back as it used to be, ever. In a sense, I feel like I have no parents right now, they already threw me out on June 2017. After all the things that I have done for them, they abandoned me like trash. I have never feel so lonely in my life right now. I lost the love of my life, and I also lost my parents.

I talked with my mother almost everyday before June 2017 incident, but now we never talk anymore. I feel so trapped, so unhappy – but my parents aren’t giving me any help or any way out.

The truth is, I am thinking about hurting myself (not enough to die but enough to get hospitalised) so my parents will have no choice but to come to Korea, and talk about this thing with me in a serious manner. I want them to listen, I want them to HELP me.

I asked a lot of my friends here, they all have their parents support to come back whenever they want. I know that maybe for me right now, it is too late. I am considering transferring to Singapore, but again – it seems like a fantasy.

I have no money to support myself in Singapore, I do not know what kind of work that I can do with a high school degree either especially in a country like Singapore. I mentioned on how much I envy Gyunnie, to the point of death – because his parents understands. Gyunnie parents despite all of their rough arguments, they CARED for their son.

I do not see any career here for me, I do not want to work in a Korean company in the future either, I feel like I got into the wrong major as well, even though it is indeed my mistake because I choose this major myself. But right now, I feel like a kid who fell into a deep dark hole, it was indeed MY MISTAKE because I did not listened to my fathers opinion but now that I have fall …. can they please help me?

That is how I feel. I do not know if there is a way out or not.

-Monica