Dear Sharky:

As you can see, even if you do “make sense of (your) husband affair and secret marriage”, the feelings of anger and the thoughts still drive you insane (your last sentence above). This is because of the betrayal, isn’t it? You trusted him and that trust is broken. And as a result you are hurt and angry. Your hurt and anger is a consequence of his actions. It is not realistic to expect to not be affected by betrayal or to stop being affected because of rational understandings and rational resolutions alone.

Your distress over his betrayal has to be dealt with, attended to, until that distress weakens and is manageable. Maybe psychotherapy? Something needs to take place, some correcting experience, so to attend to and validate your feelings of hurt and anger.

anita