Hi, Matt,

I thought I might need to express my word of caution to you – a caution to make sure you are NOT trying to convince yourself that what you are doing is the right thing. I did that far too often in the past – being afraid of something and desperately wanting something, my logical mind would subserviently come up with a myriad of ideas why I should be doing this and not that. At the same time, deep down, in my gut, I knew it was not the right thing to do. The more I looked at a problem from different angles, the more I would become lost as to which angle was the right one and what perspective to follow.

I am 100% convinced that if one wants to prove something, to justify something, one’s mind will stop at nothing and all the reasons for will seem fully valid and worthy.

Just something to consider among other things.

X

X,

Thank-you for the response, and there are valid points there. Deep down in my gut I want my wife,  I want to grow old with her and be the person she needs. You are right that when you look at the various angles of the problems and solutions it can be overwhelming. I have been there and done that a lot, to the point where I did almost lose my wife and family.

I will ask you if you believe that relationships and marriages evolve over time? The thing that I am currently struggling with is what the picture of my marriage should look like. I fight with this one because the picture I look at is split down the middle. One side is the happy times I spend with my wife that is the picture of a great marriage. Laughing/Joking with each other/affectionate/loving/spending time with the family/ sparkle in her eyes/deep conversation/silence/longing/memories/cooking with each other/touching/ all of those things that make me grin from ear to ear and when I look at her I think how did I get so lucky

The other side is my insecurities that cloud the future, I get stuck trying to get rid of that side of the picture. I know that even through all of the hard times that my wife and I have had, we share a very special bond and that I need to spend more time praising that bond, and less time worrying about whether that bond can be broken. I know that even though these responses may be cluttered and all over the place, they really help me define my thoughts and find ways to make myself a better person. I realize that marriage is hard, and that sometimes I make it way harder than it needs to be because I unfortunately try to control the future.

It hit me last night driving home from work, I work 3rd shift, so I drive country roads at night. I hate deer on the side of the road, and because of the weather the deer have really been thick lately. Lat night the were everywhere and I was just hawking the sides of the roads seeing all of the glowing eyes. Well, I drove past a group of them on the right side, and when I focused my attention ahead of me, there was a deer standing in the middle of the left lane as I drove past it going 60 mph. I didnt see that deer until it was at my drivers door, split second, a few feet to the right and he would have been sitting in my lap.I got home and kissed my wife and daughter on the forehead and realized that it doesn’t take much for it all to go away. Writing out my insecurities helps to overcome them and makes me realize how foolish I am

Have a great evening and thanks for the response

Matt