Dear Matt:

In your last post addressed to me you wrote about your wife: “she gets stuck on the past…  she gets stuck on the people that have wronged her in the past. .. her father…her mother”.

In your most recent post, you wrote: “We were the All American family… until we introduced my Mother and brother In law. We were bringing her family up to live closer to us… my in Laws ended up living with us for an extended period of time… Her mother still lives with us.”

Matt, no wonder she gets stuck on the past, on the people who wronged her: they moved close to her and with her. She is currently stuck with the people who wronged her.

Those neuropathways I mentioned, those responsible for her misery and dysfunction, it is impossible to heal from them when we live with the people responsible for creating them, people who encourage those pathways still, in the present time.

Any healing that was done before her mother and father moved in, any healing and recovery that made that glitter in her eyes possible, that healing was reversed and undone when her parents moved closer and into your home.

As long as her mother is living with her, and for as long as she is closely involved with her parents’ lives, it is not that your wife is stuck in the past. She is presently stuck.

You can pursue the open marriage idea but my goodness, Matt, an open marriage will not do. Your hope for a better marriage is, I strongly believe, in distancing and protecting your wife from further damaging input by her parents!

anita